Before sharing my old journal entry I must say: my oh my, how I’ve grown!! Praise the Lord! I have now found my Hope in Him alone. There is always hope in Him!
In this old journal entry, I was writing about my life before coming to Christ compared to my life with Christ.
Old journal entry entitled, Old Views:
I’m trying to write my testimony for my Panama mission trip. I was going through some of my old notes before I really came to God. It was really interesting to see the way I use to think. All my thoughts were so painful and led to a black pit. My emotions were uncontrollable . They didn’t have God in them at all.
One of my old notes I wrote down was: hope = pain.
I put my hope into a person and that person only lead me to deep pain. When your hope is in a person (or in anything but God) there is NO hope at all…no wonder why I was so depressed.
It’s dangerous when you feel like there is no hope. It truly does led to death, both spiritually and possibly physically, if you take things too far.
False hope is no hope.
I felt like I couldn’t have any hope at all because the more I would hope in a certain person, the more pain I found myself in. I remember telling God to take all hope away because I thought if I had no hope than that would mean there would be no more pain.
God truly is near the the broken hearted because some how through all of this, I found all my hope in Him and He has never failed to uphold my heart.
Even by expressing my feelings to this person I was always hoping I would feel better after telling them how I felt, but I never felt better after; because I never really told my feelings to God. I also never felt better because I even tried finding satisfaction in hoping to hear what I wanted to hear. But I never heard what I wanted to hear. All I heard was rejection. I would lose hope and gain pain once again.
Thanks for sharing this!