My Portion | More on God’s Specific Guidance

I wrote this journal entry during the process of buying a home in 2021. The housing market has been difficult, and although it made more sense for us to wait, God led us to buy a house in midst of all the chaos. We put a bid on a house and lost and then put a bid on another house and won. 

Anyways, I thought this would be important to know for the context of this journal entry.

We hope this encourages you!
-Kristin

June 8, 2021

Pondering on this…

I’ve had a hard time grasping what this means at times. I guess I’ve struggle grasping this, because it isn’t the words of your average person — “you are my portion”. I suppose it’s like another way of saying “you make me feel full or whole”. In terms of food, it’s like asking for a portion of food. Usually when we ask for a piece of pie, it’s like asking for a portion of that pie, in hopes that piece of pie will satisfy your hunger by leaving your stomach full.

The thing with earthly food is, there’s only so much of it to go around. That pie will run out and when it’s all gone, what will you do to fill your hunger? In contrast to food that spoils or runs out of pieces, God is just the opposite. God is so wide and vast that when he gives you a piece of himself, He fills you in a way that doesn’t just fill up the surface level feelings of physical hunger, but He fills a deep part of your soul, your inner being. He doesn’t just leave us satisfied and full, but instead he will give you a cup overflowing with living water.

When your portion of daily bread comes from Him and not on the things of this earth, He gives you the strength to trust Him when circumstances contradict each other; to wait on Him when it feels hard to wait; or move forward in Him when it feels scary to step. He gives the strength to do what feels impossible to do. It’s not the things or people of this world that fill us up; and because the world can’t fill us up, we don’t allow the things of this world dictate our decisions. We know it won’t fill the gap. Instead we seek first His kingdom and His righteousness knowing that only then everything else will be added to us. (Matthew 6:33)

I’ve been thinking about this because of Psalm 16:5, which reads “Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure.” It’s a scripture that God has set in my heart throughout the process of buying a home. We are relying on God and His leading. Without His guidance in all this we know that we won’t have peace with just buying any home, if He isn’t with us in the decision making process. He has led us specifically in the past, and we believe he will do it again.

Although we have faith that He will guide us, it doesn’t mean that it’s not hard to wait and pass up houses which “seem” nice, and would even “seem” to meet our needs. (And besides, I keep thinking that maybe we don’t actually know what we need. Maybe that’s why we feel He is specifically guiding us in this, even though we know that we have the freedom to choose.)

We don’t feel comfortable with buying a house simply because it’s nice and we like it. For some reason, that has not sat well with us when we finally did bid on a house.

I didn’t feel like I had my portion from Him when we made that bid. I just felt in the flesh and carnal, when bidding on a house with a small bit of land. It was like I made the house and land my portion and not Him. The end goal in all this is not finding the perfect house and land. The end-goal is not a house at all. The end-goal is obedience to Him, in order to be as near to Him as possible throughout this whole process. Wherever this house is that He has for us, He makes our lot secure.

I’m realizing that buying a house that we like won’t give me my fill. We buy the house because He has led us and guided us to it. He is our portion in the midst of buying the house. We need to make the decision from a place of fullness, not looking to feel complete or content by it in any way. The house remains just another material possession of this world, that is empty without Him. Him as our portion allows us to stay detached throughout this whole buying process. Yes, there are temptations to have our hearts too involved, but as we keep our eyes on Him, he brings us back to a heavenly reality.

Updated this journal entry on August 12, 2021:

We found a house and we bought it! We truly believe that He led us specifically to it! The details are a story for a whole other day.

I’ll just say this for now though. The house is not at all what we expected we would buy. We had a whole other idea of what we thought was right for us, but God has said differently.

It’s an older house that needs some basic things restored and a master bedroom and bathroom that is completely unfinished, but it’s ours and God led us to it. With that being said, it’s exciting, challenging, and has been growing us in unexpected ways.

And now in the process of buying this house I’m pondering on Psalm 16:11, which says, You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever.

There is a lot of joy and excitement with buying a home, but there is something different this second time of bidding on a house. It’s different because we truly feel led by God in it. Knowing that we have been led my Him specifically for the purchase of this home, we have more than just the joy of a home that we purchased. Instead, we have more. We have the joy of His presence and involvement in it.

Yes, He is always with us no matter what house we purchase, because I know He gives us the freedom to
choose, but how involved do you want God to be in your decisions? Do you want the freedom to choose?
Because He absolutely gives you the freedom to choose. But I think when we give up our freedom to choose, we allow God to be greatly involved; not just as a Father we trust in, but also as Lord of our life. And the more involved He is in our life, the more of His presence is made known to us. He reveals more of Himself to you in the guidance He gives you through a small whisper, a revelation of the path he is leading you in, a coincidence that is not a coincidence, a revelation in scripture, etc. You see more of Him working in it, rather you working in it. I truly think that your desire for how much you want to see His involvement in a thing, is what allows God to lead a person more specifically, rather than generally. Do you want to be led specifically? Do you want God’s best? I think there is a certain heart attitude and deeper faith, that goes with being led very specifically in the bigger areas of your life. If you desire a deeper trust and faith in God, pray for more of it. It is only Him who can help you to take those steps of faith and to actually be obedient to how He is leading. 

As you are specifically guided by him in buying a home or any large life-change, you can have a pleasure in it that is not a surface level pleasure. It’s deeper than that because God has guided you to it and in it, which is more than just getting permission to do your own desires. I know this, because moving away from friends and family, a tiny house, and buying this specific house is not what we desired at all.

When we even made a blunder in bidding on a house that we thought was perfect for us, because it had all that we desired; I now thank God we lost that bid and I’m over-the-moon-happy, we did not win it. Putting a bid on a house which we desired out of our flesh was a completely different experience in our hearts, compared to putting a bid on a house that we were confident God led us to.

It’s more than okay that we did not get what we desired, because this whole process is not about any earthly end-goal. It‘s about seeing Him receive the glory within your story, because you’ve allowed Him to do it, by submitting to Him when He leads in another direction.

He is our fill in buying this house He led us to. It‘s not the house or the land or the furniture in it. Yes, its exciting, but there is no deep meaning in a house or a piece of furniture. In and of itself, these things are nothing compared to who God is. Having his guidance, His peace, and learning from this experience, is a heavenly treasure in our hearts that can’t be lost. Even in finally having a house that He has led us to, He still remains our greatest good.

He has given us a lasting imprint of his presences and His faithfulness in our lives to look back on.